Pie Hole

tumblrbot asked: WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE INANIMATE OBJECT?

My sock monkey, Socks 

I recently moved across the country, from a small town back to the big city of Toronto again. My whole life I had grown up in Toronto and the adjustment to small town life was a big one but I had managed to do it. Some unforeseen, personal things popped up and I was moving back to Toronto again. I came back sitting on a fence about how I felt to move again. On one hand I was excited to get back to the culture, the warmth of the sun, my friends I had grown up with and on the other hand I wasn’t excited to leave behind the comfort of my family, the support of my parents, the friends I had made there. I had a mixed bag of feelings. When I arrived back, I did everything I thought I was going to do, I went to fabulous bars, saw movies, ate at nice restaurants, saw friends, had a social life and freedom to do so. It was amazing but it was short lived. 

 With big city living comes with it the expectations to be a certain way at a certain time in your life. There are no more laid back, unambitious people who don’t think of work as a means to an end but a wealth of people whose whole life goal is a career, to be defined by their job as who they are and what they are worth. I’m not sure I want to define myself by the job I have, or the career I possibly want. I don’t know if I want to live in a pressure cooker always wondering if I can ramp it up to that next level in my career. I don’t want to live my life only seeing the flaws in my plans or looking at life over my computer screen while my friends or family have fun and live life. 

 I once had a Nick Carter tee shirt that I had loved and I wore it until the screen print cracked and he looked like a wrinkled old man. Eventually the tee shirt seemed silly and I tossed it away like it was nothing. I know when you grow up you eventually toss away childish things but who says what is childish and what isn’t childish? If I had my Nick Carter tee shirt back, I wouldn’t wear it but I would still try it on every once in a while to see if it still fit. I think about that tee shirt and I wonder if it was really what I wanted or did I just let society pressure me into believing this was something I needed to give up because I was at the right age? I don’t want to be boxed in by expectations and society that says I should be in a place in my life when I’m not ready to be there. 

I think Toronto just highlighted all the things in my life I’m unhappy about, feel like I could or should change and all the insecurities about my life….wondering if I could ever feel like I belong in this city again when I lived in such a wonderful, unpretentious city that accepted people for being who you are rather than what you SHOULD be.